Earlier than we get into this, let’s get one factor out of the best way. Everyone knows the again seats of the Subaru BRZ are comically small. They had been created in a world for individuals with out legs and a head and meant largely to be a spot to throw used Juul pods. I do know this. You already know this. Nonetheless, there are three individuals who didn’t know this till yesterday.
Meet Patrick, Nitant and Brian. They’re three full-sized grownup males who additionally occur to be my mates. One factor is essential to learn about them: they know nothing about automobiles. Actually, solely one among them has his driver’s license, and he obtained it a couple of month in the past.
So, you possibly can think about their shock once I pulled up within the BRZ that I’m testing and informed them to get in. At first they didn’t imagine me that it was a 4 seater, however irrespective of. They obtained in. That was the straightforward half. What adopted obtained a lot, a lot worse.
You see, three out of 4 of us are over six toes tall. Solely poor Pat is underneath that quantity, coming in at 5’8”. We’re massive lads. That’s simply the best way it’s. Like I stated, getting in was straightforward sufficient. However after we needed to push the seats again with a view to sit within the entrance, there was a problem. We couldn’t all match… which led to some positions which might be solely appropriate for the Kama Sutra for Pat and Nitant (the backseat passengers) to take. No matter, we’re in, and the door is closed.
Everybody all the time talks about how ridiculously small the again seats of this automotive are, however nobody actually goes the space in testing it out. I like my mates, however not sufficient to maintain them from feeling ache.
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About two minutes into our drive, with Patrick’s knee someplace close to my left ear, he studies that his total leg has fully fallen asleep. Nitant, on the similar time, says that his neck is starting to harm as a result of his noggin is pressed up towards the rear glass. Not too lengthy after that, Brian additionally begins to complain about how his foot is rising a bit numb because of the reality it’s jammed up towards the firewall within the passenger’s footwell. However regardless, we should press on.
At this level you’re most likely questioning the place we had been going that made all of this price it. Effectively, surprise no extra. We had been going to an Outback Steakhouse. None of us had been to at least one in over a decade, so we figured now was nearly as good a time as ever to take a look at what it’s all about. Spoiler alert: I obtained ferocious heartburn.
Anyway, again to the automotive. And once more, everyone knows the again seats are cramped.
The boys’ limbs had lastly gone fully numb after we pulled into the Edgewater, New Jersey car parking zone the place our ode to Australian meats awaited us. That is the place issues obtained enjoyable.
I, as a result of I’m the motive force and in addition the primary character, had my seat practically in my regular driving place the entire time, so I used to be roughly nice. However, when the fellas obtained out of the automotive — which was an extremely gradual course of — their true battle wounds started to indicate. All three of them walked by way of the car parking zone with pronounced limps, shaking their legs and arms in an try to regain any form of significant blood circulation.
We went inside, loved our 5/10 meals (they had been out of potatoes for some motive) after which got here to the belief that we must try this journey as soon as once more.
Too unhealthy for them.
You see, that is what we do right here at Jalopnik. Everybody else will inform you the again seats of the Subaru BRZ are small, however solely we will inform you with full certainty that the again seats of a Subaru BRZ are so small that your pals will all develop limps and be pressured to eat Bloomin’ Onions.