Every couple will know that talking about sex is a lot harder than actually having sex. Even if you have a healthy, communicative relationship with your boyfriend or husband, discussing what goes on in the bedroom can feel awkward and uncomfortable, as if there is an unromantic stigma attached to it: “do but do not discuss”.
But we don’t think this is right. Even if you consider yourself a “power couple”, that doesn’t mean that the sex is always going to be good, and if you feel that your own sex life is going downhill, then it’s important to speak up and have a frank discussion about how you can make it better.
So how exactly do you get past the awkward stage and find the right way to open up? Well, first, you have to pick your timing wisely…
Don’t Do It After The Fact
One of the mistakes that many of us women are guilty of is opening up a sex conversation straight after having intercourse – as if the act was one last test of your sexual wellbeing before you decide to bite the bullet. But this will only encourage a feeling of anxiety and shame in your partner. It will make them feel like they have failed to satisfy you, and the conversation is a direct result of that. Which it isn’t.
Don’t Talk About It In Passing
The best time to talk about it is when you and your partner are alone, comfortable, and without any distractions. It’s important not to do it in passing, with a short comment that you hope will kickstart the conversation. This could be completely ignored, or worse, absorbed but not acted upon, which will only increase a feeling of discomfort and awkwardness. Make sure you sit down, start the conversation clearly and concisely, and go from there.
Be Completely Honest
Next, it’s important to be honest about things. It’s all too easy to skirt away from uncomfortable truths in the fear that you will hurt your partner’s feelings. Just remember, you are not blaming your partner for your degrading sex life – and if it sounds like you are, then you’re doing it wrong. If you make sure to steer away from criticism, and you ensure to use the word “I” as much as possible, then there’s no reason why they should be hurt by discussing it.
But Offer Solutions
Being honest doesn’t mean just saying facts and leaving it to him to work out what to make of them. You need to offer pragmatic solutions. For instance, as many as 16.5 million men in the UK suffer from erectile dysfunction, and this might be the number one cause of your bad sex life. One of the popular solutions to erectile dysfunction in 2023 is penile fillers, which can not only increase the size of the penis, but strengthen and maintain erections for a longer period of time. This is something your partner probably wouldn’t want to bring up, for fear of being embarrassed! But it’s absolutely fine for you to suggest solutions like this to him, because it may have been something he was thinking about. Look into as many solutions as possible and politely put them on the table.
Ask Him What He Wants
In the same way, it’s important to talk to him about what he wants, rather than what you think he needs. If you put a solution on the table, don’t expect him to lap it up, and don’t be unhappy if he doesn’t do so. He will know his own body and his own mental state, and now that you’re having the frank discussion, he can make up his own mind about what he wants to do to make things better. Similarly, this isn’t just about him! It takes two to tango in a relationship, so you need to ask him if he thinks there’s a problem with what you’re doing, and how you can make things better. Working out how to improve your performance in bed isn’t easy, so this will be good for both of you. Of course, it’s hard to admit our own faults, but if you admit and work on yours, then he is likely to do the same.
Open Your Ears
When your partner is talking to you about what you can do, it’s important to keep quiet and really listen to what he is saying. It can be all too easy to counter a point, or even disrupt the flow of conversation by agreeing and saying your piece. You will say your piece, of course. And so will he. But it’s important to simply listen at first, and then talk when the conversation goes silent. You would expect and hope for him to do the same thing, so make sure both of you are heard and listened to.
Be Positive!
It’s important to remember that you’re having this conversation to make things better! One of the best things about sex is that it’s fun. It should be wild, spontaneous, and exciting. A real connection between you and your partner. And that’s what you are both working towards with this conversation. The fact that you are having it is an incredibly positive thing. So keep it positive, and try not to fret too much. Remember, this is the hardest part of rebuilding a positive sex life. After this, things can only get better, because you’re both finally on the same page and actively working together to fix things. In a way, you’re even more connected. And that’s what good sex is all about. Good luck!
